No respect

I get no respect and I am fucking sick of it.

Bad, bad mommy

I am going to start making a list every so often of all the things I've done recently (perceived or otherwise) that make me a bad mommy. This week's a whopper...


1) I was glad D was sick

I got to leave my toddler at home napping with him and took the baby shopping downtown. Let the good times roll!

2) I rode like a maniac

I have endlessly tut-tutted when seeing mothers bicycling with their baby strapped to their chests - "SO dangerous. SO stupid." Yeah, I did it. M hated riding up front in the bakfiets. He was crying so hard that he was drenched in sweat. I baby bjorned him and rode slowly home.

I felt like I was playing a really complicated video game...knees out, pedal, steer, don't drop cell phone from right pocket or keys from left pocket, brake, don't let plastic bag of diapers fly away, support baby's head with chest...

3) I thought my child was faking

V told me his butt hurt. I thought it was constipation or gas, and at 3:45 a.m., thought that he was just pulling an act. I was fortunately indulgent and gave him a warm bath instead of yelling at him to go back to sleep, but I admit I thought he was full of it. Happened again last night. Shooting pains in his butt. Called the doc at 11 p.m. She said it sounds like a classic case of worms. WORMS! Worms!!

Oh dear God.

4) I let my kid get worms

How did this happen? What kind of mother am I? The doctor assured me that worms - like lice - have nothing to do with hygiene. Yeah. Because when I hear a kid has lice, I automatically think how clean he must be.

I know, I know. We even have parasites on our eyelashes, but for fuck's sake, how did this happen on my watch?

The diagnosis is confirmed by hideous means involving darkness, Scotch tape and a flashlight. I'm just gonna take the doc's word on this...

Get the door - It might be Domino's

Can I just say, without launching into my promised tirade about the lack of customer service in Holland, that Domino's pizza has disappointed me on more than one occassion?

In the US, Domino's delivers in 30 minutes, or your order is free. In Holland, they deliver in 30 minutes or...you just have to wait a little longer. One time it took them an hour and 15 minutes.

So, good service being the exception here, imagine my surprise when we got Domino's tonight and it was 1) On time; 2) delicious; and 3) still hot. It wasn't just ok; it was actually GOOD. The cinnastix were still warm, and the pizza was flavorful, fresh, and on time. You could've knocked me over with a feather.

See? THIS is what I'm talking about. I'll order from them again, not because I have no other choice (but there aren't really that many...) but because it was worthy of my business. This is something that is such a foreign notion in the Netherlands. No one cares about the quality of service they provide, so everyone just becomes used to sub-par service, if any.

Congratulations, Domino's. I salute you! Do not let the lack of enthusiasm discourage you. There ARE people who appreciate your effort. Make this a trend. Please!

Smoking Banter

So there is a smoking ban in Holland now. Cigarettes. Bad, evil, naughty, polluting cigarettes. Here, let me light that joint for you...

I saw a sign at our local pot shop detailing the ban and saying something like: "we do not want to have to clean up tobacco and cigarette filters." WTF? Is this another loophole? Don't leave evidence so we aren't liable?

Marijuana is already tap-dancing on the paper-thin ice of legality - are we really going to enforce the "no tobacco" law in coffeeshops? That's like arresting a hooker in the Red Light for littering. Just a thought.

I got nothin'

I can't think of anything to write, so I am watching TV and laptopping.

There is a mosquito circling my head and I can't kill the bastard. (Why do they always bite you like 20 times? Can't they just give you one good long bite and leave you alone for a couple hours? That would be appreciated when I'm trying to sleep.)

I do like the Family Guy. It reminds me of when I was living in Rhode Island, and it's really American humor. Comedy Central is becoming my favorite channel.

Lame post. Can't brain today. I've got the dumb.

Back that shit up

Does no one else notice the lack of personal space here?

Attention Dutch dames en heren:

1) For the love of all that is holy, when I am shopping and looking at something, let me put it down before you pick it up. It's not your size. Trust me. You are a wee skinny bitch and I am a buxom trut. Back off before I crush you.

2) When the restaurant is empty, DO NOT SIT NEXT TO ME. I know. I am magnetic and lovely and you wish to orbit me, but being so close to you makes me want to shove a french fry up your nose.

3) On a crowded bus, do not grab my child's stroller for support. It makes my maternal instincts kick in and I develop the strength of 10 men. If I could move, I'd smack you one.

4) When we are shopping at Albert Hate, let me make my selection before bending in front of me to get your sperziebonen, cheese, karbonade, or whatever. I don't want to have to club you with my can of Unox worstjes. And have patience with my little boy. He wants to push the carriage. Think back to when you were a little blondie. Remember how important those things were?

I know it's a crowded country. I know you have developed these annoying habits as a product of natural selection, but if one more of you bumps into me without apologizing, I am going to go postal.

That is all. I'll be in my bunk...

I See Stars

I see stars. Lots of them. They walked right by my window. Some even looked inside. That's what happens when you live sandwiched between a 5-star hotel and one of Amsterdam's most famous coffeeshops.

Here are a few - Goldie Hawn, Woody Harrelson, 50 Cent (more on him later), Rage Against the Machine, Pink, Beyonce, Tommy Lee...

Pink was actually sitting on my doorstep waiting for her bus to pull up when my partner D came home. He said "Does anyone ever tell you that you look like that singer...um..."

She goes, "Pink?"

D goes, "No, I'll think of it in a minute..."

She assured him he meant Pink.