Thursday, November 20, 2008

An Open Letter to the Dutch

Here is something I've been meaning to say to you people...

We all know you are pale and come from a sun-free country. Embrace it and PLEASE STOP TANNING!


Forget that it ages you and causes skin cancer - You look RIDICULOUS! This is not Spain. No one is buying it, and your faces look like catchers' mitts.

There are young, lovely women here with great hair, figures, clothes, etc., and their faces are full of deep brown wrinkles.

So girls (and guys), don't lay out in the "sun" when it's 60 degrees Fahrenheit. You'll catch a cold. If you want color, ride that 1950s-looking bike of yours as fast as your skinny-bitch legs will go until your cheeks are flushed pink. It works so much better on you!

I'm no swarthy lass, but I know enough not to hit the tanning beds. I am just waiting impatiently for lily-white skin to be "in." (Has it ever been?) My own son is so pale that if he were a little less attractive, he might be mistaken for a resident of You Know Where. (UKnow where...)

I too, have grown sickly pale during my residence here, but I will NEVER, EVER use a bottle tan, God help me. I don't want to look like I'm from Jersey, after all...


hollandsucks said...
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hollandsucks said...

Your blog is really funny, oh I can share so many sentiments :D I had to reply to this one since a school where I sent my kids thought they were unhealthy because they look so pale and needed to see a doctor! I always smother them in sun block to stop their Irish pasty skin from dry roasting in the summer. Fuck I forgot about that one, I must mention it on my blog! Yours aren't old enough to go I take it, lucky you. If you think Holland is weird now, just wait:S

There's a woman who works at an electrical shop near me who is same colour as an orange Toyota Yaris, hair and all. I don't how she does it. I was looking for the spaceship parked in the carpark, thinking maybe she comes from a solar system circling around a Red Giant!