I hate the weather. I hate my medication. I am so depressed. I'm sick of stroopwafels and bicycles. I love my kids, but I think they're trying to kill me. My partner is a pain in my ass. I hate mopping the floor. I hate that my dogs keep vomiting and pissing everywhere.
I hate my clogs. I hate that I am too tired to wear high heels. I hate remembering how beautiful I once was. And respected. And I made money. I hate that I sold my beautiful 4-bedroom house that was "too small" when I was single. I wish I could go live there by the water - the REAL water - and have a good life. And a car.
I am sick of laundry. Why is there always so much of it? It is the cockroach of housework.
I hate that people here don't chitchat. I want meaningless conversation with people I don't care about, God fucking damnit. I want 32-oz. to-go coffee that I can spill on my lap while I drive an automatic transmission car.
I'm tired. I'm tired of everything being my fault all the time. I am tired of the energy it takes to live away from my family and the people who once admired me. I fucking hate tulips.
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12 comments:
shhooooweeee - have i been there before!! i lived for 5 years (not counting back and forth time cause our residence permit was denied) in a tiny ass town in Zeeland without a residence permit even (also without a car, a job, the socialist kick back you get for being the stay at home parent, a friend-for the first 2-3 years, and no supportive in-law family)
! I have felt every single one of these feelings homeslice you are so not alone. though i know this is months ago now and it all (or some) could have passed :)
right now i am in beautiful tennessee...but, my husband is there in nl, has bought a bakery and a new house, moved and is running a business my name is on and i'm here because i will not go back without a residence permit and everything completely in place beforehand. i won't feel that idiot refugee feeling again.
i know that disrespected feeling so so well and i never even made real money or owned my own house in the states like you did, i imagine that feeling multiplied and feel your pain!
Oh! i love my kids too so much and i love their dad too, but i also felt so isolated in holland and now, the reason why i found this post of yours, i'm having fears come up thinking of going back there to a new tiny ass town, to try to get to know people over the course of years and years - to ever even get to chit chat level (!) with new dutch women/moms.
the one saving grace might be that the new tiny town is a little bigger and very close to belgium- antwerp, brugge, gent and maybe i could plug into expat community there, but i see how isolated you've been feeling in a'dam where there's tons (for my experience) of brits and americans and i see that everything is relative and who knows how that'll be till i get there.
i'd love to write more with you if you'd like a pen pal.
also i know a life coach i highly recommend named julia ferguson(google) who is also married to a dutch man and lived (missing the california sun the whole time) for five years in holland and now is back in the states for many years. she helped me really get through some tough times.
please feel free to email me! i hope the sun shines soon...
in solidarity,
em
I am totally with you on this, it's a absolutely miserable place, I share your sentiments on all of the above, except the dogs only because I don't have any. I miss the incidental chit chat in all the usual spots, like when holding a door open for someone or in a REAL supermarket aisle.
I hate the fact when I do get the occasional chance to talk to someone it usually consists moaning about the drudgery of life here and being moaned at back. I miss my old life because I actually had one. Here I just exist merely to bring up the ex's kids while he escapes NL on long holidays and to pay massive taxes to a hostile community that treat me like a peasant refugee.
PS I'm waiting for my washing machine to finish. The highest hill in NL is my washing waiting to be put away :S
Well america IS FAT FATTY FATTY BOOM BOMM AND YOUR PEOPLE ARE A BUNCH OF DPG RAPING ASSHOLES. 25% OF THE PEOPLE IN NEW YORK DON´T KNOW WERE MILK COMES FROM. cows, YOU ******* RETARDS. THERE ALL OVER THE PLACE, BUT YOUR people are too dumb to realise. Go and eat your burger and get fat, dumbasses. oh yeah, and you think that you can run arounfd like retards with gun. Well, you are dumb. All of you have the average Iq of a donkey so go back to redneck land
cheese headed retards who live in a small ass town. Holland has got the capital of prostitution which means its one of the biggest transmissors of aids so you know what lets BLOW UP THE COUNTRY AND ONW MORE THING, YOUR PRESIDENT IS GOOD NO ONE KNOWS HIM MOST PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK YOUR PRESIDENT IS RONALD KOEMAN BECAUSE TRULLY NO ONE CARES ABOUT GAY COUNTRY CALLED HOLLAND!!!!!1
first of all, dumbass, we do not have a president
we have a PRIME MINISTER
and everyone knows his name
even my 3 yr old cousin, he even knows the names of ex pm's
and the red light district is only a very small part of amsterdam
your redneck country has a lot more prostitutes because that piece of shit you call a country has a lot more people
Strangers are fighting on my blog. I am so flattered. Really. I feel like I've arrived... Sniff, sniff. Me wee little blog is all grown up:)
Holland sucks. Oh we're so progressive with our drug liberalization and legalized prostitution. Cesspit of Europe.
http://hollandblows.blogspot.com/
I had a Dutch boyfriend for two years and he is the worst nice-appearing person I have ever met. He is skin deep and so are his parents and sister. They all are extremely boring too. If you met him you would think what a nice and helpful guy, when in fact he is the most emotionally selfish person there is. The stuff they talk about is nothing deeper than you would engage in with a total stranger you just met on a train. I was his gf, a love of his life as he says, yet he never had anything interesting or personal to say about himself or others. Dutch people will ask you everything like they know you for 100 years but will not say anything about themselves.
true,
dutch people are 'control freaks' and therefore want to know evrything about evrybody,my answer to this need to know evrything is "get a life"..
The netherlands is a horrible place. The worst country I've ever been to. I lived there for 11 years and I wanted to kill myself. I hated the people.. I hated the weather. I hate the food. people were all the same. Every menu in every restaurant is the same. Every supermarket is the same. the people are anal retentive slave traders. they still think wearing black face is okay. They will argue with you and tell you zwarte piet is not racist. They are cheap penny pinching anal retentive protestants. it takes 2 and a half hours to do a load of laundry. if you complain about how long the washing machines take they will say something snotty about americans wearing dirty clothes . Dutch people suck. Except herman brood and Jasper grootveld. 2 of the greatest people ever lived. and van gogh and rembrandt and Karel Apel and anne frank. And spinosa. And amsterdam is not so bad. It's actually pretty nice. Really quite beautiful. Actually like jasper grootveld said a magical centre of europe. it's actually a gorgeous wonderful city. Probably the lovliest place I've ever been. The netherlanfs is truly a wonderful country full of amazing people. I'm so lucky to have lived there.
Anonymous, you are contradicting yourself-everywhere sucks unless you have family or true friends nearby.
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