Amsterdam Cops

I don't know why, but they are always conducting "routine searches" here in the Dam of Amster. Don't listen to Pulp Fiction. The cops CAN search you. Once we got pulled over when we were in a hurry to get to a doctor's appointment. I was really pregnant, so I did the Lamaze breathing and pointed to my belly until we got waved through by a cop who looked about 10.

It's hard to get respect when you're a Dutch cop. Maybe it's because none of the blondies grow much facial hair, so they look like they should still be in diapers. On the other hand, it's pretty hard to look tough on a bicycle, even if it is a MOUNTAIN bike. If you are hardcore enough to warrant a patrol car, it's hard to look tough in a Volkswagen Golf. Only the mortorcycle cops look cool, because they rate BMWs.

Maybe they get disrespected because everyone is always doing something in the Red Light that's only borderline legal right in their faces. Maybe it's because if a bike cop arrests someone, the partner pushes both bikes while the perp is led to the station on foot, handcuffed, by the other. Which person in THAT scenario is doing the "walk of shame"?

All this contributes to why cops are constantly having their bikes stolen or thrown in the canal when they are distracted; why female police officers get cat-called (Dutch girls are hot, and it's hard to look tough with a blond ponytail...on a bike); and why those cute little Golfs are always being defaced.

On the other hand, I'm told they can be pretty intimidating when they gang up on you with their pistols drawn. Don't ask how I know this...

(Which incidently brings me to a piece of advice... When a friend asks to store 17 kilos of pot in your house until they can be picked up, be sure he said 17, instead of 70.)