Monday, August 11, 2008

The Obnoxious Award

In keeping with the last post, I was thinking about whose behavior is the worst when traveling.

People like to call Americans loud and obnoxious, but after years of observation, I've decided this: We ARE loud, but not nearly as obnoxious as we get branded. And compared to the award-winning country, we are QUITE well-behaved.

(An aside - A friend of mine who works in a restaurant said "I don't know why everyone talks about the Americans badly. They are always polite and never run out on their check, not like those fucking Canadians.")

No, it's another English-speaking people...namely THE English. I have never seen such idiocy in my life. The problem is, the pound is stronger than the euro, so they all come down here for a nice cheap weekend away to celebrate bachelor parties and "hen" weekends. I don't think I have gone a single weekend without seeing an English person falling, being pushed, or jumping in the canal.

They drink and drink and drink, then get stoned, and throw up all over the streets. I've called an ambulance once for an Italian, once for someone of unknown origin, and three times for the English.

Once an English drinker/stoner was so messed up that he passed out while standing and cracked his skull on my doorstep. Good times.

They seem to get terrible beer muscles and are always looking for a fight. Particularly when there is a football (soccer) match against the Dutch. Win or lose, it's always "knokken."

They have no shame when it comes to dressing bachelors in drag, or giving brides-to-be hats made out of condoms to wear while they cackle around Amsterdam. Shaving cream and face paints are favorites too.

British women don't seem to know when they are fat, so they always dress as though they are thin. They aren't. Let me explain something. There are big boobs, and there are fat boobs. There is only one kind that people want to see hanging out of a tube top. If you find yourself tucking a fat roll into your pants because it keeps oozing up over your waistband, don't put on a tube top. You're not fooling anyone. Those are fat boobs. And stop smoking, for Christ's sake. It looks sleazy, and it sure isn't helping you lose weight.

It reminds me of this:

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when
abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

So congratulations, Brits! You make us look good!

4 comments:

David said...

As much as I love Italy, Italian food and fashion, I think Italians are among the worst travelers in the world.

They are rude, pushy and oblivious to the concerns or rights of others.

Frank said...

Oh, I'm going to put you in my feedreader, that's for sure. Let's see (read) what you have to say about us Dutch people. Surely you must have mentioned somewhere on your blog that Amsterdam can't be considered as an example for the entire Dutch population. But your observations are interesting and when it comes down to your opinion about the English: well, you just hit the spot. Be readin' ya.

Patrick said...

"So congratulations, Brits! You make us look good!"

Well, all of us except for Texans...I don't even consider them "us". They are their own specially category, and may just be the worst travelers ever. No matter what they see, there is always something bigger and better in TexASS, and they are will to make that pronouncement at the top of their lungs wherever they happen to be. "Why don't choo people speak good American like you should" says the Texan on vacation in Europe. Drop them from this country and our average intelligence and likability increases greatly. And make sure to take Lil' Bushy when you go.

Anonymous said...

Yee gads!!! Maybe there aren't many
Russians traveling in Amsterdam.We can be grateful and take a collective sigh of relief. If there is an award for "the worst" all around most obnoxious traveler on the planet they will always win first prize. trust me on this.